


Deliciously Doomed

by kongbeanie (crazyjane)



Series: Partners in Crime [4]
Category: Object and Concept Anthropomorphism, VIXX
Genre: Anthropomorphic, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Silly, Tragic Romance, Were-Creatures, cinnamon roll Ravi, hamster Taekwoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 10:42:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18754819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyjane/pseuds/kongbeanie
Summary: Two houses, alike in dignity ... wait, that's not right.An epic, tragic romance between two lovers separated by the cruellest of fates.He's a creature afflicted with a terrible curse.Andhe's... a cinnamon roll.





	Deliciously Doomed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PercyintheTardis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PercyintheTardis/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Partners in Crime](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16803682) by [crazyjane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyjane/pseuds/crazyjane), [kongbeanie (crazyjane)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyjane/pseuds/kongbeanie). 



> This is the third tie-in story for _Partners in Crime_ ... I make no apologies whatsoever for the extreme ridiculousness.

 

‘Goodnight, grandpa!’

‘Goodnight, party pooper!’

Leo sighed as he closed the bedroom door behind him. _Finally_. Escaping his housemates when they were in the mood for a raucous evening on the town was never easy; that he’d managed to do it with a minimum of fuss made him hopeful that maybe this month, it would be a night where nothing went wrong. Last time had been _so_ embarrassing. Moving quickly, he turned the key in the deadlock he’d installed when he first moved in, hid the key in the top drawer of the dresser, and shoved a towel into the space between the door and the carpet. A check of the window showed that it was securely fastened, but he pulled the curtains across just to be sure. It wouldn’t make any difference in a few hours, but there was no sense giving into temptation.

Lastly, he opened the wardrobe and pulled out a large box secured with a combination padlock. Inside was everything he’d need to make it through the night - snacks, water, and enough distractions to hopefully keep him occupied. He couldn’t risk getting into mischief again. Oh, and the … facilities. Within a few minutes, everything was set up. Leo checked his watch. Still about an hour to go. His mother had been right, it did get easier with time. If only it wasn’t so … undignified. 

Satisfied that there was nothing more to do, Leo sat down on his bed and reached for the cardboard box that he’d smuggled into the apartment earlier. _One last indulgence_ , he thought with a happy sigh. He opened the box, taking out a huge, delicious-looking cinnamon roll. It was fat and flaky, and had just the right amount of glorious icing over the top. There was just enough time to really savour every bite. Bringing it up to his mouth, he closed his eyes in anticipation - then nearly dropped the roll as a voice right near his face yelled, ‘What the $^!@@$# do you think you’re doing?’

Leo’s eyes snapped open. There couldn’t be anyone in the room, he’d made sure of it. So where had the voice come from?

‘Put me down!’

Leo stared in disbelief. The cinnamon roll … was … _talking_ to him? ‘This can’t be happening,’ he muttered. ‘I must have fallen asleep for a second.’ Shaking his head, he raised the pastry again. 

‘What are you, some kind of @&!@#$! monster? Get those teeth away from me!’ The cinnamon roll fairly bounced on Leo’s palm, little bits of icing flaking off in its agitation. 

‘But … but … cinnamon rolls don’t talk,’ said Leo, bewildered.

‘Species-ist, much? Why shouldn’t I talk if I want to?’

‘No, no, this is insane.’ Leo was still more than half-convinced this was some kind of bizarre dream. He told himself that was why he decided to argue the point. ‘Look, bun …’

The cinnamon roll bristled. ‘Not just species-ist, but rude! I have a #(&!@! name, you know.’

Leo couldn’t stop himself from asking, ‘You have a name? Cinnamon rolls have names? What is it?’

‘Ravi,’ said the roll proudly. 

Leo wrinkled his nose. ‘What kind of a name is that?’

‘It’s a badass name,’ retorted the cinnamon roll. ‘So what’s yours?’

_I can’t believe I’m having a conversation with a pastry_ , thought Leo. In spite of himself, though, he was becoming intrigued. Besides, it was only polite to respond. ‘My name’s Taekwoon, but people mostly call me Leo.’

‘What kind of a #&$!@# name is _Leo_?’

‘It’s a nickname. It means “lion”. People tell me I look like a lion.’

Ravi roared with laughter. 

Leo flushed. ‘Hey! There’s no need to be mean. I didn’t choose it.’

Still chuckling, Ravi said with complete insincerity, ‘No, no, I can see why they’d call you that. Really.’

Leo opened his mouth to reply, but the warning chime on his phone interrupted him. Half an hour. _Oh, no, I really am awake - and I’m talking to a cinnamon roll. How is this even possible?_ Yet he had to admit, it wasn’t the strangest thing that had ever happened to him. There was that time when he’d got stuck in the air vent … 

‘Earth to Leo,’ said Ravi loudly. ‘Can you put me down? Your hand is sweaty.’

‘Oh, uh … sorry.’ Contemplating the open box, Leo decided against returning Ravi to it. With the way his luck was going tonight, Ravi would just yell to be let out, and how on earth could this be explained to the housemates? Instead, Leo put the box on the floor and set Ravi down on a piece of paper on the table. ‘Is that all right?’

Ravi fidgeted a bit, making himself comfortable. Leo watched, fascinated. It wasn’t so much movement as a kind of rocking from side to side, but even that was impossible. ‘Hey! Why is it so #&!@^$ dark in here, anyway? Turn on a light or something.’

‘I’d really rather not,’ said Leo. ‘The light hurts my eyes.’ Not exactly a lie; already he could feel his pupils expanding, and from experience he knew that being in bright light at these times could easily result in an awful headache the next morning. Besides, in the dim moonlight filtering through the curtains, the cinnamon roll looked … good. Tasty. Really, really tempting. Unable to stop himself, he reached out with one finger, stroking along one of Ravi’s curves. Tiny shards of icing clung to his skin; looking at it, he licked his lips. He brought his finger up to his mouth. _Just one little taste_ … _what’s that noise?_

The cinnamon roll, he realised, was _purring_.

Horrified, Leo pulled his hand away, recoiling from his own thoughts. 

‘Why’d you stop?’ said Ravi. ‘That actually felt kinda good.’

Leo gaped. He tried desperately to convince himself _that did not just happen_. He hadn’t just … caressed … a cinnamon roll. And the roll had … liked it. Mother never said anything about madness being part of his ‘condition’, but maybe it was all just a hallucination brought on by the stress of the impending change. Maybe none of this was really happening at all. Try as he might, though, he couldn’t bring himself to believe it. He didn’t give himself enough credit to have that much imagination. ‘I, I, have to get ready,’ he lied, glad the dim light hid his furiously blushing face.

Ravi looked disappointed (how is that even possible?), but didn’t press the issue. ‘Ready for what? Those are pet toys, aren’t they? Are you getting a cat, or something? Because I gotta tell you, cats #*&^$%@! stink. Like, _really_ stink. Also, they have an annoying habit of playing with people like me, and the result is never pretty. Man, the stories I could tell you …’

Absolutely not wanting to know about anything that might involve other talking food (and not letting himself think about whether he’d actually _eaten_ any and just not heard them protesting, because that was simply too horrible to contemplate), Leo interrupted. ‘I’m not getting a pet. All this stuff is for me.’

A little dab of icing lifted on the cinnamon roll; Leo realised, with a shock, that Ravi actually had something like a face, and he’d just done the equivalent of raising an eyebrow. ‘No offense, but aren’t you a little big for that stuff?’ 

_Oh no, I don’t want to get into this._ What choice did he have, though? In less than twenty minutes, Ravi would see for himself, and by then, Leo would be in no state to answer questions. Anyway, who was Ravi going to tell? ‘I’m not always this size … or this shape. I, uh, change.’

‘Change what? Your shoes? Do you wear high heels or something? Kinky.’ Now that he could see the cinnamon roll’s face, Leo realised it had a truly offensive grin.

‘I mean, I change shape. I’m not always a human. Sometimes … when it’s a full moon ... I’m a hamster.’

‘What?’

‘You heard me.’

‘Hamster,’ said Ravi carefully.

‘Yes.’

‘ _Hamster_. Furry, squeaky thing.’

‘ _Yes_.’

‘Ohh-kayyyy.’ Ravi’s tone went from careful to condescending. ‘And then you wake up, right, and it was aaaallll a dream?’

‘Why would I make something like that up?’ exclaimed Leo. ‘I know how strange it sounds, believe me. Oh, this was a mistake, I shouldn’t have said anything.’ His nose twitched. _It’s happening early_ , he realised, close to panic. _It must be the stress_.

‘No, okay, I’m sorry,’ Ravi grudgingly apologised. ‘It’s just that … well … let me get this straight. Once a month, you turn into a hamster?’

‘ Well, sometimes it’s twice a month, because you can have two full moons … but essentially, yes.’

‘Like, a giant hamster that would terrorise the city? Because that would be #&*!^$%! cool.’

‘No! I’m a … normal sized hamster.’

‘How does that even happen? Your bones would stick out everywhere. Do you squish, or do you just shrink like that Avengers dude?’

Leo said miserably, ‘I don’t know. It just happens, somehow. My mother used to say something about mutable morphogenic fields and quantum warping, but I never understood what she was talking about.’

‘So ... you’re a hamster. You shrink down from a giant human into a tiny little thing that squeaks and you hide out in your room and I bet those housemates of yours don’t know anything about you, either.’

‘It’s not as weird as you make it sound,’ said Leo defensively.

‘Sounds pretty #*!@$*! weird to me.’

‘Says a talking cinnamon roll.’

Ravi conceded the point with a shrug of pastry. ‘What does a were-hamster even do? Do you go nuts and try to bite people’s ankles off?’

‘No!’ cried Leo, indignant. ‘Nothing like that, I’m not a savage! I just … like to run around and around on a wheel. Eat carrots. Maybe snuffle things a bit.’

‘So …’ said Ravi, and Leo could have sworn he heard a smirk in the cinnamon roll’s voice, ‘as a supernatural creature of the night, you’re basically a $&!^!#@ loser.’

‘If you’re just going to be rude about it …’ Leo was close to tears. Worse, his whole body was starting to tingle. _Here it comes_ , he thought. Automatically, he started to unbutton his shirt, then froze. ‘Can you please … shut your eyes or something?’

Ravi leered at him. ‘Nope. No eyelids. Don’t let me interrupt you, though.’

_This is ridiculous_ , Leo told himself. _It’s just a pastry. It’s probably not even thinking what you think it’s thinking_. Nevertheless, the thought of actually undressing in front of Ravi made him blush all over again. Looking away, he quickly did up the buttons again, and just took off his socks and emptied his pockets instead. Once he changed, he’d have an awful struggle to find his way out of the clothes, but at least then he’d be covered in fur. 

Ravi chuckled quietly. ‘I don’t know why you’re getting embarrassed. I mean, I’m sitting here wearing nothing but icing, and you don’t have any problem looking at me.’

Up until that moment, Leo hadn’t even thought about that. As soon as Ravi mentioned it, though, he couldn’t get it out of his mind that the cinnamon roll was, in fact, essentially _naked_. The icing, really, was less an article of clothing, and more an … ornament. It only added to the tantalising sight sitting on his night table … _he’s a **pastry** , what am I thinking?_ For the first time since his ‘condition’ had manifested (right on his fourteenth birthday, and it was only pure luck that he’d been in the car on his way home from the theme park when he changed), Leo wished fervently that it would just hurry up and happen. As a hamster, he wouldn’t be interested in anything … unsavoury. He looked longingly at the wheel sitting on the floor, imagining himself happily running for hours. 

‘Cat … sorry, _lion_ … got your tongue?’ asked Ravi.

‘You’re really a very offensive cinnamon roll, you know that?’ Leo said crossly. ‘If you didn’t look so good, I …’ He clapped a hand over his mouth.

‘You … you actually think I look good?’ There was no mockery in Ravi’s voice. If anything, he sounded a little tentative. 

‘I mean, as far as pastries go …’ 

‘Oh, _thanks_.’ 

‘I didn’t mean it like that! It’s just … this is all so _strange_.’

‘Huh,’ said Ravi. ‘You think this is strange? Try waking up after being all toasty warm and comfortable to realise your destiny is to have some giant weirdo try to take a bite out of you.’

Being basically a fair-minded person, Leo had to concede the point. It was terrifying enough being around people when you had a chance of dodging their huge, clomping feet, but Ravi couldn’t even do that. He was completely at the mercy of whoever wanted to pick him up and sink their teeth into him. _What an awful existence_ , Leo thought. The idea stirred something in him, certainly compassion, but there was also a kind of protective urge that he didn’t really understand. ‘I’m sorry I did that,’ he said sincerely. ‘I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s all right, I’ll make sure no one else tries to eat you.’ _Even though you look absolutely delicious, and I can almost taste that warm cinnamon and cool vanilla, and your pastry would be just crunchy on the outside but when I bit into it, so **soft** …_

Completely unaware of the lustful thoughts echoing in Leo’s mind, Ravi said, ‘Well … thanks. Maybe you’re not so bad, after all. I mean, as far as humans go. Or were-hamsters, I guess, but you’re the only one I’ve met, so I can’t really say. How many of you humans are were-hamsters, anyway?’

Leo’s only response was to suddenly hunch over, a small cry of pain escaping him.

‘Hey … are you okay?’

‘It’s starting …’ 

As Ravi watched, fascinated, Leo seemed to fold in on himself, gradually growing smaller and smaller. From the look on his face, it was an excruciatingly painful process, and Ravi was grateful his memory didn’t extend back to when he was first being kneaded. After what he’d seen in the kitchen of that bakery when he was cooling on the rack, he was grateful he’d been just a bun in the oven, blissfully unaware of the torture visited upon his ingredients. Another noise from Leo pulled him out of those dark thoughts; the human had virtually disappeared inside his clothes, an ever-shrinking form just visible moving inside the shirt. 

And then a tiny pink nose poked out from the collar, accompanied by twitching whiskers. A small, furry, ginger head followed, its black eyes wide and curious and its comparatively huge, rounded ears flicking. Apparently satisfied there was no threat, the creature emerged and sat up on the pile of clothes, combing its whiskers with its little paws.

‘Huh,’ said Ravi. 

The hamster looked up at him and made a squeaking noise that was actually rather cute. Not that Ravi would admit it, of course; cooing over a small animal was hardly something any self-respecting badass cinnamon roll would be caught stale doing. Still, if all it could do was squeak, it was going to be a long, boring night. ‘Can you still talk? Can you even understand me?’

There was a moment when the hamster simply looked blankly at him, then it shook itself from head to toe, cleared its throat, and spoke. Its voice was high and thin, but somehow, still sounded like Leo. ‘Of course I can understand you. It just takes a while to get my vocal cords working again. I’m actually quite proud of how well I talk, Mother said I’m the best in our family since my auntie Jina. She was on the stage, you know.’

‘ _Definitely_ weird,’ said Ravi.

‘I can even sing. I’ll sing for you later, if you like.’

‘Uh … sure.’ Slowly, Ravi was getting used to the idea that this was the same human he’d just been talking to, just different. Not just different in looks, either (although now he thought about it, there was definitely something hamster-like about Leo’s full cheeks); the hamster seemed far more cheerful and confident, and Ravi felt himself warming to the little creature. Which was possibly the weirdest thing about this entire business, when he thought about it. ‘So … are you … going to get in your wheel now?’

Leo gave the wheel a fond look, but said, ‘I might do that later. You’re a guest, so it would be very rude of me to ignore you. Why don’t we talk? What would you like to talk about?’

For once, Ravi had absolutely nothing to say. 

‘Why don’t I start, then? Let’s see … I’m the only hamster in my generation of the family, so it can be a bit lonely sometimes. I’m not complaining, of course, everyone is very nice, and when I go home to visit, Mother and I can snuggle up together. I do like snuggling,’ Leo said wistfully, his voice trailing off as his shining black eyes gazed at Ravi.

'Why are you staring at me like that?' asked the cinnamon roll suspiciously.

The hamster ducked his head, suddenly shy. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, it's just that ... You're so beautiful,' he whispers. 'The way your icing glistens in the moonlight ...'

Pastries can’t blush, but at that moment, Ravi desperately wished he could. Leo might have been an uptight sort of human, but as a hamster, he was … well … really, really adorable. ‘You can, uh, you can come over here if you like. You know, so we can talk more?’ 

Leo scampered up onto the pillow, hunkered down, nose wiggling furiously, and launched himself across the gap between the bed and the night table. He landed with his back paws slipping on the wood, nearly falling backwards and Ravi actually gasped with fear. With a huge effort, though, Leo managed to scramble onto the table and sat trembling, eyes very wide. ‘Wow, that was difficult!’ he panted. 

‘Are you okay?’ asked Ravi worriedly. ‘You nearly fell!’

The hamster beamed at him. ‘I’m fine, but it’s sweet of you to care about me like that.’

‘What? I don’t - that’s not what I meant, you furry #*!@& …’ But Ravi just couldn’t stay badass in the face of all that cuteness, especially not when Leo cocked his head to one side like that and batted at his ears. ‘Well, as long as you’re all right.’ He tried to sound as if it didn’t matter one way or the other. 

Leo sidled closer, sniffing - then he sneezed. ‘Oops, sorry,’ he apologised. ‘It’s the cinnamon. It tickles my nose. Anyway, what were we talking about?’

Ravi just looked at him blankly. If he had a heart, he was sure it would be thudding right about now. Up close, Leo was even lovelier, his immaculate fur a beautiful, deep shade of orange, with just a splash of white under his chin. And the little black tips on the edges of his ears made him wish he had fingers, so he could just gently scritch … _he’s a **hamster** , what am I thinking?_

‘What’s wrong?’ said the hamster. ‘You look worried.’

‘No, no, I’m not, I’m, it’s all good,’ stammered Ravi. 

‘Are you sure? It’s all right if you are a bit worried. Would you …’ Leo ducked his head again. ‘Would you like to snuggle? It always helps me if I’m feeling a bit unhappy.’

‘I’m not unhappy,’ Ravi hastened to assure him. ‘Really. But … if _you_ want to snuggle, I guess that would be okay.’ As soon as he said that, he felt like an idiot. The little hamster’s face lit up, though.

‘That would be wonderful,’ he said. ‘I hardly ever get snuggles now, and I do miss them.’ With that he wriggled around until his body was pressed up against Ravi’s side. He let out a happy little sigh, tucking his paws under his chin and resting his head on them. ‘Oh, this is perfectly lovely.’ 

Ravi said nothing, still trying to sort out his own confused thoughts. It was undeniably pleasant, having a warm body cuddled up to him, and thinking about Leo gave him a funny fluttering feeling somewhere in his centre. The sort of feeling that made him daydream about snuggling on the couch watching TV or spending a lazy afternoon in bed. At the same time … _I’m a pastry, and he’s a were-hamster. It’d never work. What sort of life could we have together?_

As though reading his thoughts, Leo said sleepily, ‘It’s such a shame it would never work between us, because I really do like you, Ravi. I’m sorry I called you offensive before.’

‘Don’t worry about it,’ said Ravi gruffly. ‘Sorry I said you were weird.’

The hamster made a little chirping noise. ‘That’s okay, I _am_ pretty weird, after all.’ He was quiet for a long time after that, then said hesitantly, ‘Maybe we could … try it? See what happens?’

Ravi shifted nervously - and realised that Leo’s fur was sticking to his icing. _Oh, great. That’s never coming off_. If he was honest with himself, though, he didn’t really mind. It was a small price to pay for such closeness. ‘I guess we could,’ he replied. ‘No nibbling me, though.’

‘In this form, I only eat fruit and vegetables. Carrots are my favourite - oh!’ Leo looked at Ravi, eyes round with concern. ‘Oh no, what if I’ve been eating people?’

‘Nah,’ said Ravi with an assurance he didn’t feel (because, after all, he’d never talked to a carrot, so what did he know about that sort of thing?), ‘vegetables are okay. They’re not alive, not like you and me.’

The hamster relaxed again, relieved. ‘Well, then. I guess this means we’re dating?’

‘I guess so.’

‘Good.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Um …’

‘What?’

‘Nothing. Let’s just snuggle.’ Leo closed his eyes and concentrated on simply luxuriating in being snuggled up to Ravi, who was purring again. He’d have to move before dawn, because he didn’t want to risk squishing the cinnamon roll when he changed back. And because, in spite of what he felt now, in his hamster form, he knew that when he was human again, he’d be hungry.

_If only I didn’t have to change back_ , Leo thought. _For you, I’d be a hamster always. I could snuggle you and cherish you and we could be happy_. 

_I won’t do it_ , he promised silently. _I won’t eat you. I’ll be strong. I won’t think about how you make my human mouth water, and how amazing you would taste, and how I long to just take little bites to make you last as long as possible. I can resist. I know I can._

As he drifted off, though, he couldn’t escape the doubt that crept in. It would only take one moment of weakness … 

Ravi stayed awake for hours, watching over the dozing hamster. He was terribly afraid that even if Leo didn’t give in to the temptation to eat him once he was human again, there was no future for them. _I don’t know how long I’ve got_ , he thought. _Sooner or later, I’ll go stale, and maybe that will be the end for me. What if I lose my icing? Get crumbly and hard and too uncomfortable to snuggle anymore?_

On the verge of sleep, Ravi thought miserably, _we’re doomed_. 

_Deliciously doomed_ , thought Leo, licking his lips as he dreamed.

[ ](https://ibb.co/gtyhC5N)

[ ](https://ibb.co/FbS6BYN)


End file.
